God will lead us along.

I have been wanting to share more on my blog during the past weeks, but I’ve had a really hard time figuring out what I want write. There are so many things I want to share! School and work have been extra busy lately and I was just accepted for an internship at Y Be Fit (a health coaching program at BYU).

This morning I watched an amazing devotional by Erin Holmes. (You will be able to read her talk here after they post it.) She talked about the uncertainties in life and what to do when things don’t turn out the way we want. Her talk really hit home for me, because she spoke of her experiences with miscarriage and infertility. Her talk was a tender mercy and an answer to my many prayers with the grief and pain I have felt since my ectopic pregnancy. I literally sobbed as she talked about her experiences and what she has learned.

Here are a few of the biggest insights I gained during her talk and why they meant so much to me: (I would also recommend listening or reading the talk as well!)

Life doesn’t usually turn out how we expect. Reality is usually very far from the ideal that we wish for. Although this is difficult to deal with, it allows us to have experiences we wouldn’t have otherwise had if things had turned out “perfectly.”

I never imagined that I would become a mother through a lost pregnancy. I have always wanted to be a mom (Daniel always teases me for being baby crazy, haha) and I have been eagerly awaiting the time that we planned to start having kids. Because of our heart-wrenching experiences with my ectopic pregnancy, I have experienced a different kind of motherhood and a deep spiritual connection with our Angel Baby that I wouldn’t have had if things had turned out differently. Daniel and I have an even better relationship now, because of our long talks and our shared pain and grief. Just like my little scars from my surgery, I will be forever changed because of these experiences.

With God’s help, we can co-create a beautiful life, a rich and full life of faith and hope. As we wait upon Him, trust Him, and seek His will, we will be inspired to know how to fulfill our unique life’s mission.

This is where I feel like my understanding was opened to Heaven. I felt deep comfort in knowing that God has good plans for me in the future. Instead of being scared about the uncertainty, I want to embrace it and put my life in His hands. We don’t know what will happen in the future or when Daniel and I will be parents of earthly children, but we do know that God’s wisdom is perfect and that He will lead us along. I am trying my best to move forward with faith in Jesus Christ, putting my hand in His and choosing to draw closer to Him every day.

She Will Find What is Lost by Brian Kershisnik

“And I will bring the blind by a way that they knew not; I will lead them in paths that they have not known: I will make darkness light before them, and crooked things straight. These things will I do unto them, and not forsake them.” Isaiah 42:16