What I’ve learned about Motherhood

This Mother’s Day is more special than any other I have ever had.

I am actually a mother!

I have such a mixture of emotions this weekend: sad, hopeful, confused, and grateful.

I have never met our Angel Baby in person, but I feel like I have a sense of who he or she is. We have no pictures to remember our Baby, but his or her influence will always be imprinted on my soul. I am so grateful to be our Baby’s mother.

During the past few months of mourning, contemplation, and busyness, I have learned many things about who I am and the mother I want to become. Here are a few of the most valuable lessons I have learned:

• I have always been and always will be a mother. It’s a part of my nature to love, nurture, care for, and encourage others. During these past few months, I have connected with this part of myself and it has helped me feel more confident that I can be an amazing mom to our earthly kids one day.
• Motherhood is full of uncertainty. You can’t control exactly when your kids are going to come or what’s going to happen to them (either because of their choices or other causes). My goal is to accept this, go with the flow (like Daniel is so good at), make the most of what happens, and learn as much as I can along the way.
• A mother can have a strong spiritual connection to her children long before they are born and after they die. I have felt them close to me, sacrificed for them, thought about them, and cried both happy and sad tears for them so many times.
•  Kids don’t need a perfect mom. What they really need is a mom who does her best, makes mistakes, and teaches by example what to do when they mess up. I used to be afraid of all the imperfections I will have as a mother, but I have come to accept that I am enough, just as I am.
• Motherhood is beautiful. My ultimate quest is to bring life to others. My ongoing labor of service and love is meant to lead to perfection and godhood. It is helping me become more and more of the person I want to become. I have felt tiny glimpses of the indescribably joy of motherhood already and I know there is much more to come.
• Last of all, I have become more grateful for all the wonderful women who have loved and mothered me. My own mom, my awesome mother-in-law, sisters, sisters-in-law,  friends, roommates, mission companions, church leaders, mentors, and many more have blessed my life so much.