Brooke’s Beautiful Birth!

I am so excited to share Brooke’s birth story!!! (It has taken me a while, since I’m still figuring out how to get things done with a baby. Oh well!) Giving birth to Brooke was the most incredible, intense, emotional, and challenging thing I have ever done. As I have reflected on it over the past month, I have learned so many things. Most of all, I am grateful for how giving birth prepared me to become a mother to our sweet baby girl. Giving birth was a sacred, empowering experience and it has changed me forever.

Daniel and I prepared for Brooke’s natural birth using the Hypnobabies program (which I highly recommend!) I chose this method because it helps you re-program your mind from being afraid of giving birth to thinking about it in only positive ways. I wanted to reinforce my beliefs that giving birth is a beautiful, natural process and that I can trust my body to do what it is meant to do. Hypnobabies also helps you learn how to create hypno-anesthesia and deep relaxation. Daniel and I went to a six-week class, read some books, and I listened to hypnosis tracks every day to prepare.

On Friday, January 5^th at about 11:30 I felt some pretty intense pressure and cramping as I got ready for bed. I went to bed thinking that it was probably nothing. I had felt this pressure many times before, only to have it go away during the night. This night was different though. I couldn’t sleep very well. I woke up at about 2:30 to what felt like strong Braxton-Hicks waves. I rested on the couch, thinking they would go away like they always had before. At 2:45, they were starting to get more intense, so I began to time them. They were about 7 minutes apart, lasting about 45 seconds each. At this point, I listened to my hypnosis track and focused on my feelings of confidence and excitement to meet my sweet baby.

After 20 more minutes of consistent pressure waves, I decided to wake Daniel up. At this point, I was still in denial that it was really my birthing time. I decided to have him time them to make sure I wasn’t imagining them. He timed them every so often and found that they were about 50 seconds long, coming every 4-5 minutes. I listened to another track and tried to relax, while my legs shook and I let out low moans because of the power and force that moved within me. (Like we learned in our class, I trusted that my body was doing what it was meant to do. I practiced thinking of these waves as a tight blood pressure cuff squeezing my uterus.) I was amazed that I could feel so calm during the intensity. I also felt a little nervous, because I thought that if it was already this intense, what would it be like later in my birthing time?

At about 3:45 am, Daniel told me that it we should probably go to the hospital soon. I was shocked by this, because I felt so calm and peaceful. I still wasn’t sure if this was actually my birthing time. It felt like only 15 minutes had passed since the waves started (because of my hypnosis), so I was shocked that it probably was best for us to leave. Daniel called my sister, Eliza, to let her know that we were going to leave soon. (She was meeting us at the hospital to be my doula.) As we got the last things packed and ready to go at 4:15, my pressure waves started getting more intense. It was at this point that I accepted that this was probably the real thing! It was progressing faster than I expected.

When we got to the hospital, I felt well enough to walk inside, so Daniel parked and we walked in together. The pressure waves were still coming every 4-5 minutes, so I knelt by the side of the bed in triage to sway and focus on my hypnosis. The nurse had my lie on the bed, so they could monitor the baby and I was checked to see how far dilated I was. Even though I didn’t want to know how far dilated I was at the time, I had a feeling that I was at a 4. (I later found out that I was!) The nurse midwife told me that I could go home if I wanted, but that I could also stay. At this point, I doubted myself a little and felt like maybe we had made the wrong decision to come to the hospital that early. At the same time, I was also glad that we were there, because of how intense and frequent my pressure waves were. Around this time, Eliza joined us in our room and I was so happy to see her! Having her there was calming and reassuring. I felt like our birthing team was complete and I was so glad that Daniel didn’t have to give me all the counter-pressure all by himself. They were amazing to do it for 10 hours straight! (Counter-pressure is a way to alleviate discomfort. The person giving counter-pressure uses their hands to apply strong force to the lower back.)

Soon after we were in our birthing room (around 7:00), shifts changed, and the new nurse and midwife came (Steph and Sarah). I had met them previously and really liked them– it was important for me to feel comfortable with my nurse and midwife, so I felt extremely grateful that they were the ones who were there. I felt like everything was going exactly how it was supposed to! Sarah encouraged me to go for a walk, so we made a big loop around the labor and delivery unit. Daniel was in front of me to let me lean on him during my pressure waves and Eliza was behind me to give me counter-pressure. I remember that I kept telling them “thank you” after they gave me counter-pressure. Because of this, they jokingly told me that they had never heard of a laboring woman be so polite… Usually you think of a laboring woman swearing or screaming. I wasn’t trying to be polite though, I was just in my own world and doing what felt natural. It was thanks to my hypnosis that I felt so peaceful and calm.

Over the next several hours, I had no idea how fast time passed. I was deep in hypnosis and physical and mental relaxation (even though my legs kept shaking because of the intensity.) All I remember was that I kept asking for more counter-pressure and that I got a little bit upset with Daniel when he fell asleep and when he happened to be eating a cookie when I needed more counter-pressure. (Silly Daniel, haha!) Seriously, though, I had the best birthing team I could ask for. They encouraged me, gave me counter-pressure, and were 100% present with me the entire time! (… Well Daniel was there like 99% percent of the time. Close enough!)

Soon after my pressure waves became more intense, they got the birthing pool set up. I got in with Daniel and it was amazing! I was able to relax more and feel comfortable. The cold wash cloths that they put on my neck also helped me relax. I was very inwardly focused during this time and I listened to my tracks even more intently. It seemed like the suggestions on the tracks were exactly what I needed to hear. I was reminded over and over to open, relax, and trust that the process would happen exactly how it was supposed to. I think one of the reasons my birthing process progressed so steadily is because I used the power of my mind to visualize myself opening and letting the baby drop like she needed to.

After a while, I needed to get out of the birthing pool to have the baby monitored. I was also checked at this point and again, I intuitively knew where I was at, which was 8 cm. (I later found out that I was right both timesI guessed) I was glad that I was never told the numbers, because I think I would have been distracted by thoughts of if I was progressing as fast as I “should” or not. I got back in the birthing pool and I remember that this was when things started to get the most challenging for me mentally. I would have thoughts like, “Can I really do this? How is this really going to work? How will I know when it’s time to start pushing? Is this even possible?” I was starting to feel like my body was almost ready to push, but I was extremely overwhelmed by my lack of control and knowledge about what was going to happen and how it was going to feel. I focused even more intensely on my hypnosis and trusted that everyone there would help me know when it was time to start pushing. Looking back, I can see that these emotions are totally normal and a sign of being in transformation (transition), right before it’s time to start pushing.

I remember how relieved I was when Sarah told me that I should probably get out of the birthing pool. (This meant that I was almost ready to push, since the hospital doesn’t allow you to give birth in the pool.) I also felt an even more intense feeling of anxiety about if I would be able to push the baby out. I had Daniel turn on the “Pushing Baby Out” track and I decided to get into the hands and knees position on the bed. I remember trying to push and feeling like I wasn’t letting my pelvic floor muscles relax and let go. I was having sensations of such intense pressure and discomfort that I was afraid of bringing any more of that onto myself.

As time went by, I felt frustrated that it didn’t feel like I was making progress. At this point, Steph became my pushing coach. She didn’t tell me when to push, but she gave me direct and powerful encouragement. She was the only person I could pay attention to because she was the closes to my head and I was trying so hard to focus. She assured me that I would be feeling sensations that I had never felt before, but that this was okay and that it meant my baby was coming soon. After each of the pushing waves, I would make a high-pitched gasp and would mentally ask myself how in the world I would get the baby out. Every time I did this, Steph would assure me by saying, “Yes, you can do this. I know you can do this!” It’s like she knew that I was doubting myself, so she told me exactly what I needed to hear in those moments.

I also remember that Steph and Sarah told me an analogy that really helped me. They said that I just needed to think of this as the end of a really intense race or soccer game, where I just needed to dig deep and give my last big effort. This gave me confidence, but it just seemed to never end! I had no way of knowing how much time had passed except that we had to start the track over again (and I knew the track was about an hour long). At this point, I was frustrated and just wanted to be done pushing. I was not very focused on my hypnosis and felt a lot more discomfort than before. I felt like every time I pushed, there would be some progress, only to have her go back to where she was before. Luckily, Steph encouraged me to put on my glasses, so I could look in the mirror to see our baby’s head. This gave me the motivation I needed to push even harder and to keep going.

It was late in the pushing phase when I experienced a powerful spiritual and emotional release. I told myself that since I couldn’t take any more frustration, I was going to just let go of trying to control, understand, or know what was going to happen next. I realized that if I just focused on pushing as hard as I could during the next pressure wave, this baby was going to come out sooner or later. I also prayed my heart out and asked for help in letting go and letting Christ help me. When I did this, I immediately felt a burden lifted and suddenly it became a little easier. With this help from the Lord, I became unattached to the immediate outcome of when she would be born and I practiced patience in letting it happen how it was supposed to. I don’t know how much time passed after this release, but it seemed like I made a lot more progress. Soon, I could see her dark-haired head coming out more and more. I was surprised when Sarah told me that on the next wave, I needed to push slowly while her head came out. I did this and while my eyes were closed, I felt the burning, intense pressure of her head and then the rest of her body slip out of me. Brooke was born at 3:03 pm!

There is nothing that can compare to the feeling I had as they pulled her up onto my belly. Feeling the weight of her body on mine and seeing her wet, perfect body still attached to me was beautiful and joyful beyond words! The intensity of my discomfort and frustration was matched with the most profound feelings of gratitude, awe, and wonder. I felt so powerful. I felt so much love for her. At this point, Daniel was standing next to me, sobbing and telling me how much he loved me and how proud he was of me. I couldn’t help but cry with him, because I thought it was so tender to see him cry and I had so much love for him, our baby, and our whole birthing team. I had done it! I had birthed our baby. I was amazed that it had actually worked, that I had somehow actually done it. I was in a state of euphoria for the rest of the day. It was at this point that I realized what time it was and that it was snowing outside. I realized that all sense of time had been gone and that my birthing time had lasted a lot longer than I thought. I was happy to find out that since I pushed gradually over two hours, I didn’t have any tears and wouldn’t need stitches.

The first hour with Brooke was amazing! It took a while for it to sink in that this was actually our baby. I looked at her, talked to her, called her my baby girl, and started to breastfeed her. I was so amazed that she was mine! She was really good at breastfeeding from the start and it was such a joy to bond with her.

Overall, I am SO glad I chose to give birth naturally and that we chose to use the Hypnobabies program. In the hours after giving birth I was able to walk, move around, and feel pretty good physically. I have had an amazing recovery and I feel like part of the reason it has been so good is because I gave birth without interventions.  Letting the process move forward naturally allowed the hormones and processes to work like they are meant to. It was honestly more physically intense and uncomfortable and even more difficult mentally and emotionally than I ever imagined. Afterwards, I even asked myself a few times, “Why did I decide to do that unmedicated?” and “Why do women ever choose to give birth multiple times?” I think I was just shocked at just how challenging it was.

Now that time has passed, I continue to think about Brooke’s beautiful birth and gain strength and wisdom. There are SO many lessons I was and am meant to learn! I now understand a little more fully just how strong I am and how strong women were created to be. I feel an incredible feeling of sisterhood, knowing that I have accomplished an important part of my divine role as a woman. I love being a woman! Most of all, I feel like Brooke helped me open up to more love. She paved the way (literally and figuratively) for me learn to to release my desire to control things and this was a big step in me opening up to more love. I feel more love for myself, for Brooke, for Daniel, and for God. It’s hard to explain how, but this love has changed me and continues to change me: how I think, feel, and view the world. I am also getting better at trusting in the natural processes of life, knowing that if I could let go of control during my birthing time, I can do it in other ways in my life.

If you have any questions, feel free to ask me anything about Brooke’s birth or about Hypnobabies! Lastly, I just want to say thank you to everyone who supported me during my birthing time, helped me prepare, and especially to Daniel and Eliza, who were there with me the entire time. (And thank you so much for taking these pics, Eliza!)